How To Help Your Daughter Cope With Mean Girls
She said WHAT on your daughter’s Instagram??
Oh, yeah, Mama Bear has been provoked.
Mean girls come in all shapes and sizes. They operate in person to your daughter’s face, behind her back or even on social media and texting. Don’t even
get me started on secret Instagram accounts! Mean Girls have the capacity to manipulate, gossip, put others down and flat out lie about people. Many younger girls just don’t know how to deal with it, so the hurt and anger just stay. This influences their school lives, friendships and emotional well being.
Hollywood even made a movie about these types of girls. Maybe it seemed over the top, but was it really? Emotions are so powerful and if our daughters are hurt by others, even if it’s not exactly starring Tina Fey, those feelings are still real.
Some things we can do when the mean girls seem to be winning the battle for our daughters’ emotions:
Make sure your daughter knows it’s okay to experience her feelings, because it honestly hurts. Acknowledge that. It’s okay to be sad and upset for a while, and sometimes that’s all they need.
Remind her that she can only control her own reaction. We can’t control others but can influence them with our positive energy and appropriate responses.
Let her know she can be assertive, strong and confident with her responses without standing on their toes or feelings. Being strong and confident is not the same as being aggressive, which can be hurtful. Know the difference.
Show her how to use creative expression as an outlet for her emotions, like journaling, drawing, etc. Not that any of it will be perfect, but just the ability to get those emotions out is an effective coping mechanism. Write that letter to that person! You can give it to them or not, but the act of writing it all down on paper is often enough.
We need to be able to accept that not everyone is our true friend. People are who they are and we can either accept them or remove ourselves from the situation.
Surround ourselves with people who build us up and inspire us to be ourselves, to be truly authentic. Those are our true friends.
Know when to encourage her to seek a counselor or administrator at school. Sometimes there’s a widespread issue that can be handled better if the school is aware.
Mama Bear Mode is what we feel, but be aware that our kids respond to our emotions too. Knowing we are too upset or too angry can make things more stressful for our daughters. Ranting, raving and intervening seem like a good idea but in the long run teaching our daughters the tools to respond appropriately to the mean girls of life will have a lasting effect. Show her how to be a smart girl all on her own.
Not sure if your daughter is safe online? Check out our parents-only class on social media here. It is November 12!
We also offer counseling services and classes for the girls!